i'm really digging the magnetic fields right now

i need to get their music...

i like that you look like a bum

it makes me feel closer to you.

everything ends

i can't deal with death anymore.
that's why i'm scared of loving someone so much
because then it hurts like hell when i lose them.
my baby is not doing well at all, we may be putting her to sleep this week.
i love Cookie so much, i had her since right after my dad passed away.
she protected me til this day. i felt so save with her here.
she is part of my little family and now she may be leaving forever.
and i don't know how Maps is going to deal with it...
Fuck. I just want to stay in bed and watch Six Feet Under,
and forget about everything.
i don't know anymore...

Jeremy by The Magnetic Fields

Nudists

by Diane Arbus

Hah!

i want to go take pictures

like this:



.right now.
But its too sunny :/

I have no family.

I really do not feel like I'm part of my mother's family, and I have not talked to my dad's family since he died (11 years ago.)

My mom's mother is in the hospital right now and is in critical condition.
It hurts me to see my mother cry, and it hurts me that she (my mother) is in pain.

And I just found out that my cousins have been texting/calling each other, but they do not bother calling or sending me a text message to let me know what is going on, or to see how I'm doing.

I really do not feel like I have a family.

And I don't think that bothers me, and I'm trying not to let it bother me.

It makes it easier for me to think of leaving without saying anything and feeling guilty. Because I do not plan on keeping in touch with my mother's family if something were to happen to my mother. I'd just leave and start my own life, create my own family.

Hahahah